I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
