oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
