Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
