Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
