Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
