So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I smell like Dick and happiness
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
