from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
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All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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