I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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