we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
