So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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