But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
