Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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