neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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