dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
