And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
