I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
