The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
