true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He felt like a one man threesome
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
