You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
