Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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