that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
