you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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