i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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