she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
