I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
