when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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