Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
