WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize