So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
