I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
