So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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