My room smells like vodka and shame
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
