Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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