Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
