Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
