Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
