This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
