I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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