dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
