Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
