I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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