Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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