first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
