How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
