We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
