the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
