Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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