i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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