I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
