It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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