well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
