It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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