I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
