omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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