i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
