Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
