Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
