I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
