he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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