White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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