Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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