Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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