ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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