Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
