The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They took my balls.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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